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This A.M., I had me a hankerin' for some 100% American Lucky Charms. So, being the brain-damaged igmo that I am, I dropped by Whole Foods to pick them up, completely blind to the fact that Whole Foods doesn't cater to my plebeian tastes. The store, whose interior I'd never seen before, carries only wildly expensive natural foods calculated to please the palettes of self-absorbed yuppies. But, not wanting to waste a trip, I purchased a 24-ounce bag of 365 coffee which I'll try in the morning. Furthermore, during my coffee klatsche with Robin at the Starbuck's on the 40th floor of Columbia Tower, I bought a 16-ounce bag of Thanksgiving Blend. The bag says it's herbal and mildly spicy, so I look forward to trying that in the morning as well. With my dandy little $175 coffeemaker, I've become quite the bean squeezin' snob. PS: I did get my Lucky Charms at the downtown IGA Kress, and promptly indulged myself with two heaping bowls of cereal. This follows my anal-compulsive purchase of four bags of Tootsie Pops yesterday. I have a whole drawer of the buggers, mixed in with my requisite Starlight cinnamon candy disks. Obviously, I'm not as discriminating about what I eat nearly as much as I am about what I drink. My diet, on the whole, is wall-to-wall starch, and a preggo-looking belly is starting to manifest itself on my otherwise skinny frame. So, that said, I'm off to make myself a heapin' helping of macaroni and cheese. Now, there's some mighty fine eatin', my children. Dark Alley: United States, Washington, Seattle
Noise: Hedwig and the Angry Inch · Wig in a Box
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Well, dearies, looks like the slightly-younger-than-me Susan Finklestein is the Phillies' biggest fan. The self-described “buxom blonde” posted an ad on Craigslist requesting tix to the Phillies-Yankees slugfest using a vaguely obscene scoop of double entendres. Employing language that suggested she would trade her buxom ass for two, count 'em, two tix—one for her and one for her potentially cukolded husband—she endeavored to seduce some young combo Craigslist/baseball geek to answer her proposal. A watcher of Craigslist, who turned out to be a cop, arranged to meet her at a bar for the trade. A number of other copatollahs were eyeballing the situation as it unfolded, and ultimately found reason to haul Mam'selle Finklestein to the hoosegow. "I didn't do anything wrong, so I'm not embarrassed about my actions. I'm embarrassed about how I was arrested," the dear lady said. Her lawyer, Bill Brennan said, "If somebody read into that posting a sexual connotation, that's on them. There's no overt sexual reference." “Yeah, right,” responds your faithful narrator. Burying herself further, Finklestein went on to say, "I was hoping to get cheap tickets, maybe meet someone, and talk, and bat my eyelashes and maybe get some tickets." “Hoo-boy!” your loyal raconteur responds. Her lawyer hopes to get the charges dismissed, and may be successful since the Phillies, and Mrs. Finklestein, were soundly trounced. In addition, Finklestein has what ma mère, with her charming French accent, used to call "that rode hard and put away wet look." Hardly the stuff of call girl cherry pies. Takes all kinds in this America of ours, my children. In other, non-prostitutional news, Robin is taking the lead over Tina-Marie. Also, Starbuck's pumpkin lattés fawkin' rule! Especially if they're quaffed on the 40th floor of Columbia Tower, the best Starbuck's location evah! Dark Alley: United States, Washington, Seattle
Noise: Kraftwerk · The Voice of Energy
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